oh shoot

hey. ive been homesick but now im 'healed' (if thats even the word). im back to indo. yay. so what now, lets see.

our results will be coming out on the 14th of dec. this is damn damn scary. like my fate. like our fate. one year has passed and dont tell me that it's so fast, i heard it too much. what i can do now is only hope that my hardwork pays off yknow, yea we can't do anything else anymore. we have done so much - weve slacked, weve cramped and weve studied hard. quite hard, i guess. and it better pays off srsly. im rly worried right now, like i cant even explain, but i think everyone knows the feeling. it sucks.

well lemme describe how it sucks. it really makes you to wait for the day to finally see whether youre good enough, despite either ways you know you deserve what you get. but theres also part of you that makes you dont want that day to come by that fast, cos if the result isnt as what you expected your holiday will suck, lemme tell you. suck alot. like even holiday doesnt even feel like one. you'll think that "okay lemme get myself a knife or a rope" ha-ha well ok, not that bad if you have your family around to cheer you up.

i htae tihs felenig!! arhggg im turning mad.... madness is what i am right now.

in conclusion, i want that day to come fast! whether im in or out of melb uni, just gimme the result and let me pursue my holiday in warmth and peace. thank you.

dP

it's amazing how u don't care...

okayy whatev, tmoro's a new day

let's expect new things, new stuff

im so tired todayy~

..random

dP

never the same again i guess

but everytime we say goodbye

i planned to stare longer

but i always turn around and avoid your eyes...

okayy this is nothing, i got bored and i started typing...

you know,

everyday just wondering, don't you see I'm tired

is it just me or you've acted differently

I think we talked too much; we need a break?

do we? should we?

you didn't reply

so I thought

have you been sleeping?

cos I've been looking

all over, waiting, all over, sighing

but just couldn't find -

don't know what I was searching for

tell me, tell me

do I just need to turn my back

pretending it isn't a fact?

about calling you, I think twice

about texting you, I think too much

about every little thing you do, they make me smile

when we say goodbye, I'm always waiting for that face

even a word doesn't need to be said

again, i don't wanna make another mistake

slap me and keep me awake

don't let me have that beautiful dream

cos I don't wanna hurt anyone, not my friend

but so I thought

have you been sleeping?

cos I've been looking

all over, waiting, all over, sighing

but just couldn't find -

don't know what I was searching for

tell me, tell me

do I just need to turn my back

pretending it isn't a fact?

y'know what,

whatever.

dP

"She"

I wrote this four months ago.

Just a little something to share.

She gave me this small fury Snoopy

five months ago, when my flight was waiting

'Take it' she said, telling me not to weep when she was

She wiped my tears while she didn't hers

It's so impossible to forget how she smiled

and said 'nice shirt', and who knew

it was the last shirt she saw me wearing

But does it even matter, this goodbye?

When I still love my Grandma wherever she is

When  I can still hear her voice, telling me what and what not to do

Her laugh; her pain? I can see it all

I'd never know whether or not a goodbye matter

At least I know I'll weep and feel the lost again

Maybe tears are just not enough for a special one like her

dP

It's Been So Long...

Hey ho.. it's been so long since I posted my last blog omg.... I felt that time I wasn't even realize what kind of life I'd be looking forward to. Really, time flies. Everything has happened. From happy up to horrible truth in life. Hmmm.. Srsly it has been so long!

ANYWAYS.. I've got to admit, my life is going pretty good esp me in my holiday mood. we really deserve this holiday you know, we've worked hard for the exam! sigh. the horrible truth in life that I was saying up there, was actually when I needed to go back to Jakarta for a reason... and then come back here for school. can't tell more about it. for my holiday, it's going well despite the fact that I'm going to be braced up tmoro! this is when I pray to 'Lord, have mercy upon me' and do nothing much.

I wonder if I'm going to write this holiday.. or I'll wait to be inspired once more, maybe that'll do. notice why I put 'once more'? lol.

need to go to bed soon, morning app tom!

nights

dP

SELFISH me

Hey everyone.. I'll be home all afternoon I think, since I'm not supposed to attend today's orientation program.

I'm not sure if this is true or not, that someone I know is changing. Maybe it's just the beginning that makes the person so excited and that person is no longer that person. I seriously don't know what I'm talking about as well, IDK if it's true. That person isn't starting to get far from me, but just nearer to somebody else whom that person barely know. What I see is that, that person is starting to care about that somebody else, and guess what, I'm worried. Worried that that person will no longer be that person anymore, like there won't be anymore 'us' but 'us with them'. But when I came to think about it again, I trusted that person. Which means, I shouldn't be thinking or feeling the way I do right now. Like I said, maybe it's just the beginning. Beginnings are always interesting. New things, new school, new friends. And perhaps that person is just excited on how that person's life changes. It's a good change in life, I must admit. But I too can't deny myself on feeling the way I do, cause that would make me tell a lie. I'm just afraid of losing the 'us' thing.. Maybe I'm the one who is selfish, who doesn't want that person to mix with that person's new environment, that 'our thing' should be the way it is. And maybe, I should be the one changing, the one who is more understanding. I'll try.

Okay, gotta go soon. 

Cya.

dP

14th Feb's eve..

Hello everybody!! It's valentine's eve now.... I actually have no idea if I'm happy or sad, I just felt this sudden excitement in my body that made me jump up and down. I REALLY don't know what's happening, I'm just very... excited. Ok, tomorrow I'll be meeting up with SOME friends at crown (ROMANTIC, isn't it, celebrating with a group of friends? -.-), then we're planning to watch a movie which is He's Just Not That Into You, which I guess is hilarious. And they're having a buffet in some restaurant, but I'm not sure if E and I are gonna join.. I hope we will, just the more the merrier right? And yep, that's the plan.. Let's see what's gonna happen!

You know, it's quite weird that for the past four days I've been mourning with my friend about valentine.. About how depressed we will be, seeing couples everywhere holding bouquets.... But now I suddenly feel so excited! By thinking about tomorrow I think the excitement just jolted out from me.. Awkward.... I hope it's a good thing, you never know..

Today my wish didn't come true, sob. I didn't meet the zilly again... Anyways! Must iron tomorrow's clothes! Haiz. 

Ok, cya! =]

dP

quite a MEMORABLE DAY perhaps?

Yea hello everybody... I'm just blogging to tell you about how quite a day is today.

In the morning up until the afternoon, I actually didn't do anything special. Then I met up with my friend at church, and after the mass we found ourselves denying the fact that we have a home aka we didn't wanna go home so soon, so we went to chinatown buying something then we had a dinner. I had my favorite unagi dinner~ Then we met with my other friend and we went to yarra river and crown, just wandering around basically. But it was fun and lovely to see the night city.. We went inside crown, just to warm up actually. Today is quite a freezing day. Yesterday was horribly 'oven'-ly hot, and we actually went to ScienceWorks which is out of city and we actually had to take the train to get there, and up till now, I'm still surprised that we all made it home. Anyways, after crown I brought my friends to my home, just to look around, knowing my habitats. We took photos, watched TV, chatting, laughing, those kind of stuff. Today is actually my first day that my friends ever came over to my house, so it's actually a bit of a memorable day perhaps? Yep, so that's all I think..

Okay, sleeping soon. Gotta do something tom!

Cya.

dP

who's the BROKEN-HEARTED boy?

"I was walking safely to my home

 When suddenly the streetlights suddenly popped out and they died

 I was surprised by the blindness I faced

 I barely felt a thing, not even wind blowing onto my face

 Gasping and blinking, trying to find my path back

 But I didn't find a thing, not even something to hold on

 I couldn't feel the gravity pulling me down

 Instead I felt high and couldn't feel the ground

 I realized I've just lost my path

 Path that leads me to you

 Cause you asked me to meet on 'the' bridge

 And told me what you just did

 You apologized; but not for what you just did

 But for what you just felt

 That this feeling faded away

 And I guess I have nothing more to say

 But throwing the rose bouquet into the river

 I guess I'd just walk in this solid darkness, kept on walking

 With my head down and my heart behind

 I could no longer feel my heart beating

 Cause I decided to leave it to you

 And it was up to you to keep or tear it

 I hoped you'd kept it, but it's not what you just did

 So I've lost my heart; there's nothing more to lose now

 All I need is your hand and I could imagine feeling the glory again

 But half of my consciousness laughed at myself

 And the other part just cried and cried, stabbing me from inside

 There's nothing else to lose, really

 Just take it from me, whatever it is

 But just wait a sec... I believe I'd still find my way back to you

 And I'd never care if you don't want me to

 Cause I know I don't need a heart if I could see the smile on your face

 And let me see once more that sunrise in your eyes

 Just before I closed mine

 Then I'd fly high above the clouds

 Smiling..."

This is actually about boy, who just lost his girlfriend after such long years. He was so desperate that he was stuck in this darkness and cannot move on. But after a second thought, he knew that all along, what he has always wanted was her happiness. And he didn't care whoever that other boy is, as long as he could still see that sunrise in her eyes..

dP

to my GIRL..

Hello there.. The clock is 23.47 now and my eyes hardly open.. Yep today was okay. I was late coming to physics class by 15mins urghh; I hate being late, just didn't feel right... I was just home during the really long break, and did not manage to come back on time. But I'm so fortunate that my tutor was willing to repeat. Lucky me.

To my girl -- Tong sorry I did not reply your message.. Ya I think I have said it a lot of times; just do what you got to do. Some things happen for a reason and you'd never know if it happened for good, right.. Okay, calm yourself. Believe in yourself because I do, and you should start trying. I know you can make it. I just know. Wonderwoman =]

Okay need to go to bed in like...... NOW!
Good night all, cya.

dP

AUSTRALIAN open

I'm just blogging while watching AUST open. It's so cool! Once you watch a set, you'll sit back watching the ball up and down your tv until there's a blackout  that cuts the tv's electricity. Go AUSTRALIA OPEN! Watch it while you have a tv since the tickets are damn pricey.

Okay! Don't wanna bother typing while I watch.

Cya.

dP

Go Cereals! *random title*

Heyho.. I was listening to 'Let It Rock' by Kevin Rudolf, but I have just tuned it down as I couldn't concentrate on both listening and writing. Yea, just dropping by to write my day here.. Which is actually nothing much again. Today is super hot, but I still wore a jacket to school and I don't know if people thought that I was out of my mind but I never care.. They didn't know how cold my class is anyway. And a jacket is enough to protect my skin against the hottie above which is the centre of the universe which shines through the clouds which makes everybody's skin burn inside out which.... Guess I have to stop talking about the sun.

So I woke up quite late this morning, because my class was an after-lunch class. So my brother and I had lunch together before he sent me to school and we went to an optometrist to check on something. Now I'm home and have just finished folding my laundry and have no idea if I'm about to read chem or not. Yea, tomorrow I'll have my chem class in the morning, then a really long break, and finally physics class. Before every chem class, I always feel uneasy you know, like scared as if something gonna hit me during the class. IDK, feels weird.. And scary.

Anyway, need to fill up my guts soon! With cereal! Go cereals!

Cya

dP

HELLO melbourne!

Hey!! I miss writing.. I've always wanted to write a new blog, but for the last 5 months I don't know how to write a new post. It's so silly of me, I know. But now, I've figured it out and turns out I have something to write, so here it goes.

Continuing from previous post -- so, Melbourne now huh. Nothing much.. The weather here is quite crazy. We can have 4 seasons in a day. School is good.. Friends are okay. 'Just deal with it' kinda thing. School is amazing actually, I love my new school better than my former school back home. I've learnt a lot in the last few weeks. Nice. Tomorrow I'll have a class at 13.45; feels good not to be an early-riser. Hope everything goes well. Oh yeah, I've chosen my church here, and it turns out that a cathedral interests me so much. It is so grand and beautiful. I love it. Far away from home now huh, kinda depressing at first but I'm alright now. Far away from J, feels good... End of story -- Melbourne? Love it. Especially Melbourne next week! E is coming! O my gosh, I can't wait....

So today is chinese new year, the 26 Jan. And also the OZ day.. I went out with my brother, to find something to eat.. Find something to invest our money on a.k.a shopping. But we didn't shop like mad, we just bought what we needed. It's true! I don't lie.. The rest of the day went as usual. Ow ow, and I've been wondering if someone has the same way of thinking as mine! Mostly the same! Well, I don't know if that's weird, I just never met someone like that before. Hmm, interesting somehow..

Okay I'll write again tom if possible, need to call my grandma soon! Cya.

dP